That Cougar
by DoILookLikeAManWithAPlan
Summary: After a long day at work, Roy isn't surprised that Kimblee is in his apartment. Kimblee has a surprise for the Flame Alchemist in his bathroom. Based on a scene from Talladaga Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
1. Part 1

**That Cougar**

**Show: **Full Metal Alchemist

**Plot: **After a long day at work, Roy isn't surprised that Kimblee is in his apartment. Kimblee has a surprise for the Flame Alchemist in his bathroom. Based on a scene from Talladaga Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own FMA. Wish I did, but sadly that's how the world works right. I do own the pretty cougar though.

**Part 1**

Roy Mustang ripped off his blouse as he headed up to his apartment. Of course he had to be on the top fucking floor. He pulled his keys out of his trouser pockets when he got to his apartment door. He opened his door. He was busy trying to get out of his uniform that he almost didn't see the other Alchemist in his apartment on his couch.

The Flame Alchemist stopped in his tracks. His onyx eyes narrowed a bit.

"How the fuck did you get into my apartment?" he asked.

"Easy Mustang. The window," Kimblee said jerking his thumb towards the open window.

Mustang rolled his eyes, throwing his clothes on the floor beside the couch. The black haired man headed to the bathroom. He heard the Red Lotus Alchemist snicker, but ignored it. He jerked the door open. A loud growl was sounded from the bathroom.

Roy slammed the door shut. He turned to the other male in the apartment.

"Why the hell is there a cougar in my bathroom? And how the hell did you get it into my apartment?" Mustang yelled at him.

"Pretty easy. Now live with it," Kimblee said before climbing out of the apartment.

Weeks passed and Mustang found himself a new pet and guard animal for when Kimblee decided to enter his apartment unannounced.


	2. Part 2

**That Cougar**

**Show: **Full Metal Alchemist

**Plot: **After a long day at work, Roy isn't surprised that Kimblee is in his apartment. Kimblee has a surprise for the Flame Alchemist in his bathroom. Based on a scene from Talladaga Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

**Part 2**

"Hey short ass. I got a job for you today," Roy said as he stood in his kitchen.

"Yeah?" Ed asked; the older male peeking in his interest a bit.

Roy smirked a bit. He wasn't sure about the results were going to be of what was going to happen next. But he had only tested this out of Hughes (who had promised never to fall for one of Roy's tricks again). And the Fullmetal Alchemist was staying a while at his apartment.

"There's something I need out of my bathroom. Would you mind getting it?" Roy asked him in returned.

The blond male jumped off the couch where he had been sleeping in a hurry. The darker headed male stepped out of the kitchen to watch the other Alchemist. Once the door opened to the tiled room, a loud hissing noise came from within. A maniacal laugh sounded through the apartment as Ed shot through the apartment to cling to the older male.

"Why in the hell would you do something like that?" he yelled in Roy's face.

"Thought it would attack you first off and it just seemed like the thing to do," Roy replied as calmly as he could while still laughing at the reaction.


	3. Part 3

**That Cougar**

**Show: **Full Metal Alchemist

**Plot: **After a long day at work, Roy isn't surprised that Kimblee is in his apartment. Kimblee has a surprise for the Flame Alchemist in his bathroom. Based on a scene from Talladaga Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

**Part 3**

Days after Ed's tragic tampering with the cougar, Roy began to think of who else he could trick into going into the bathroom where he kept the large beast. He sat at the little island cabinet in his apartment; one leg crossed over the other. Papers scattered the entirety of the surface. Something kept telling him to pull a prank on Havoc. The crippled man had something coming for him. Right?

A smirk formed on Roy's face as he got up. He walked over to his phone, dialing Havoc's home number. The alchemist tapped his fingers on the counter when the phone started ringing. The cougar started to growl in the bathroom. The Flame Alchemist shot a look at the door down the hall. He hoped that it would stop when Havoc picked up the phone.

"Jean Havoc speaking...Shut up Fury!" Havoc said, yelling the last part. "I do not need your help with the phone. I'm not that damned crippled."

"Havoc. Shut up and listen to me. I need you to come to my apartment to talk about getting your legs back," Roy said nonchalant.

"Sorry Colonel. I'll be over as soon as I can. Can I bring Fury?" Havoc asked, in a normal tone.

"Just get your ass over here!" Roy yelled, slamming the phone down on the cradle.

The Colonel let a sigh slip out of his mouth. He turned to look at all the papers that he had. Great. Now he has to clean it up. Roy ran his fingers through his hair when he finally got around to picking the papers up. He put them in a neat, organized pile. The door rang and he nearly jumped. The Flame Alchemist put the papers down on the counter before going to answer the door to see Fury and Havoc

"What'd you have to say about my legs Colonel?" Havoc asked, putting a cigarette in his mouth.

"Just do a bathroom job first. Really quick actually. Fury can stay in the living room with me while you do it," Mustang said, letting the two in.

Havoc looked up at the superior officer, but shrugged. Maybe they would talk about his legs later. The colonel always had a round about way of doing things. The blond rolled to the bathroom and opened the door. A loud roar was let out of the tiled room. The smoker was pulled into the room by a large paw.

"Bad Kitty!" was all Roy and Fury heard.

"Damn. Thought it would only attack Kimblee. At least that's how I trained it," Mustang said as Havoc rolled out of the bathroom with bruises and scratches. "Oops. Sorry Havoc."

"Sorry my ass," Havoc mumbled.


End file.
